Pain as an engine

Pain as an engine

Pain as an engine

We all know pain. Have felt it. Are feeling it. Will feel it. It has the property to devastate us. Make it so that we can’t do a thing anymore. Not even the thing we want to do the most. One day of not writing, becomes ten. Becomes twenty. Becomes the rest of your life if you’re not careful. I’m here to say: Don’t. Never allow pain to stop you. Use it. It’s not easy. But it’s possible.

I have been away from the blog for some time. Not by choice. I’ve had the five most painful weeks of my entire life. My girlfriend has decided to leave me. After a relationship of about six years-and-a-half. About two weeks ago. She left the house two weeks before that, and I began feeling something was wrong a week before. Needless to say, I was broken. I grabbed for every bottle I had sitting around the house. Broke contact with everyone. Just wasted away in the apartment, barely eating nor sleeping. It last about four days. Luckily, before I did anything stupid, I decided to go to work, then to my parents.
It changed everything. I cried, got angry, yelled. But they understood. I poured it all out. And while the pain was still there, it was less. Much less than before. I allowed myself to function again. I visited friends, talked to them. They understood too. And so the pain lessened even more. My confidence grew and suddenly I had reached a point I hadn’t been at for years. I feel good now, stronger.

What I mean to say with this is: Never let yourself be dragged down by anyone else. No matter what they do, or are planning to do. You make your own life. No one has any say about that. Except you. And as a writer, that kind of self-empowerment can help you soar.

I do understand that it’s not easy. That all things painful have the property to occupy the mind. Ultimately though, you have to decide between letting it rule over you, or taking control of it yourself. Deciding the latter can only be a good decision. And even though the pain still runs deep, and strong, use it. Conjure those feelings up during appropriate scenes and they’ll never have been better. Bleed those thoughts onto the page, and watch them dance.

Then sit back. And enjoy your work. ‘Cause you deserve to.

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